GORILLA BATTLE OF THE BANDS: GORILLA BATTLE OFFICIAL SITE   and of course their Gorilla myspace site. These guys are based out of Cleveland but don't worry, they'll get to you too eventually.  When they spam myspace email a 23 year old band (that would be Girl Trouble, 5 albums, US, Canadian, European tours) to play one of their Sunday Battle of the "unfortunate" Bands shows in Olympia at a club we've played many times, paying attention to detail doesn't seem to be their strong suit.  Here's the Girl Trouble "rep" ALAN FROM CLEVELAND. The prizes for this one are pretty lame.  In fact, this is the cheapest of the Battles. If you win you get $500 (even though you turn over more than that in ticket money!), 20 hours recording time (big deal!) and your demo sent to major industry hotshots (they mail your CD-R).  This one has been really heating up lately and Alan has spammed from other accounts and, like Emergenza, now has a ton of reps to help him. There's Gorilla Emily and Gorilla Lindsay and Gorilla Meg and Gorilla Rob and Gorilla Troy and well, you get the idea. They all appear to be from Cleveland, even though they are running shows all over the U.S.

JAM SOLID PRODUCTIONS: Jam Solid Productions has got so many myspace sites!  Do you think they might be using them to spam bands? This company was formerly known as Rock Hard Entertainment (which also didn't have a real great reputation and hosted the "emergenza style" Rock Hard Talent Conquest - yes, that's "conquest" not "contest").  It appears that they run the "battle" style pay-to-play shows.  Our friend Nick P. from the band The Kidney Snatchers, gives us a "heads-up":

"Hey guys, I'm in a band here in Cincinnati, Ohio. A few Months ago we played a show for someone called Jam Solid Productions, at the Mad Frog. Ever heard of Jam Solid? now that i have read all your info on pay to play shows, that show matched the criteria exactly. nothing worked out for us then. we played an awesome set, despite the set backs. but anyway, i would just like to say thank you for what your doing. you guys don't have to look out and warn other people about these scams, but you do any way. thanks. Peace, Nick P."
Nick also followed up with this: they seem pretty oragnized and well set up for "con men" or whatever. I've already talked to a few bands that played with us on that particular show. One band was promised to go on "to the next round" but they havent heard anything since.

JAM SOLID UPDATE March, 2008: The Jam Solid Website doesn't seem to be working. We have been told that Jam Solid is going to TV Court with a band that felt rather cheated on "winning" one of the Jam Solid BOTBs. We can't wait! More as it develops.

ILLUMINA RECORDS / ROCKERS FOR LIFE: Start off with the Illumina Talk site and be sure to check the blogs
Illumina Records has been contacting every band with a request to do the "Rockers for Life" Compilation to benefit an anti-drunk driving campaign.  The above myspace site should fill you in on this operation.  It's pay-to-play and from the unhappy bands appears to be pretty shady.  Also check out...
CD BABY on Illumina Records

Here's a great blog all about Illumina Records (with their rep trying to defend themselves) from our pals in the band Zang!

AND HERE WAS GIRL TROUBLE'S OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH ILLUMINA...
We’ve been getting email invites to be on a compilation called “Rockers for Life” (benefitting an anti-drunk driving organization) by a company called Illumina Records. The email actually mentioned one of our songs off myspace that they’d like to use. We looked at the website and it was sort of generic. When we didn’t respond, Ed Grasmeyer (Director of A&R) sent us a second email only two days later asking us why we hadn’t written back. He wrote to say that he hoped we hadn’t misinterpreted his email as spam and that he was very interested in using our song for this worthy cause.

We’ve gotten lots of requests to be on various comps (we’ve probably been on about 20 or more) and since it seemed for a good cause I wrote back with info on how we do things and questions about his company. Apparently that did it. I never heard back from the guy. I was kind of pissed that I’d wasted my time even responding to the guy! RED FLAG.

So the other day I get the same spam email, this time from Nicole Van Eden of Illumina Records, with the same pitch. This time she claims she played our song for the big head honcho and they both love it! Wow, what a thrill.

So I decided to really check them out. After the most rudimentary googling I discovered these guys are like a plague, first operating in a few cities and now expanding to 40. It’s a pay-to-play comp. They charge $600 and bands are actually falling for it! Supposedly they send you 50 copies of the Rockers For Life compilation CD. According to the bands that were unfortunate enough to fall for this scam, a generic CD with 20 mismatched bands nobody has ever heard of isn’t a real big seller. In addition, many bands claim their names were even misprinted on the CD.

Illumina also claims for your $600 investment that they’ll send this CD to 100 labels and radio stations, get you thousands of new myspace friends, have their hot-shot graphics team make professional posters and you’ll appear on the cover of CUSP magazine! The cover of CUSP? Where do we sign up?

I’ve read accounts from many different sources. The promised promotion is nil with hardly any myspace hits, other than from bands wanting to know if Illumina is a rip-off. The high quality posters are only electronic and look like generic crap. And CUSP Magazine? It’s a generic looking internet example that only appears on the Illumina (and Illumina related) website. It doesn’t appear to be in published paper form.

Much like Emergenza (pay-to-play BOTB Euro-Fest) Illumina Reps are all over the blogs attempting to do damage control, claiming they are only there to help bands (yeah, empty their wallets of $600!). The most disgusting aspect of this pay-to-play scam is that they claim to be contributing to some anti-drunk driving organization. Start complaining that you are getting ripped off and they’ll shame the band: “How could you be so inhuman as to be against helping get the word out about the horrors of drunk driving?” True brilliance! Whether they really do contribute to any drunk driving campaign is unknown, but at this point I’m skeptical.

IF ILLUMINA RECORDS CONTACTS YOU, MARK THEM AS SPAM. Don’t accept a friend request from these guys. Illumina “Rockers for Life” CD is a scam.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: Never pay money to a “label” to be on any compilation CD. No legit label will ever ask you for payment to be included on a comp. Your song is the only contribution you should make. If the label asks you for money...IT’S A SCAM! -bon

UPDATE March, 2008: We've noticed that all the Rockers For Life and Illumina related myspace sites are stuck on 12-20-07 or before. We are hoping that this might be a sign they've run into trouble, but it's wise to never count these companies out. They often re-surface.

LBM MUSIC ZINE: Thanks to Jamie Desoto of the Denver band Holley 750 who sent us this one.  Much like Illumina Records (although without the "It's for charity" schtick) LBM MUSIC ZINE offers you the chance to "pay to be on their CD compilation".  You also get the thrill of being featured in their (web) magazine.  They contacted Jamie with the same old flattering spam email ("We were checking out bands and found you, we think you rock, you'd be perfect for our comp, we'd like to interview you") that can be so deceiving to new bands who don't know any better.  Of course our pal Jamie didn't buy it for a minute.  When he sent an email that simply read "And how much will that cost us?" they sent the stats. 

Package 1- * $650.00 (3 Mp3¹s includes web banner +interview on Website and 50 comp cd's)
Package 2- * $550.00 (2 Mp3¹s includes web banner 20 cd's).
package 3- $450.00 (1 mp3 includes web banner 20 cd's)

Wow! 20-50 CDs of mis-matched bands you'll never be able to sell, mp3s and an interview posted on their webiste!  If a "record label" has the disclaimer "Please contact our Sales team for pricing information"...RUN!!!! REMEMBER: DON'T EVER EVER EVER PAY MONEY TO BE ON ANY CD COMPILATION!  Do it for free, do it for a percentage of CDs, BUT never PAY to be on a CD.  If you've got that kind of cash to throw around, make your own CDs. 

A & R CONNECTIONS: A & R Connections  is a pay-to-play company that hosts showcases (pay-to-play shows) where you'll supposedly receive time with an A&R rep.  The Seattle band, Tripnine, has an amazing blog devoted to a protest against this company by the band Stabbingback.  It's a very informative must read for anybody contemplating dealing with this company. When it mentions "payment options" on the registration form, that's not a good sign. They have a myspace site (although currently a lot of the comments are about free ringtones) and here's their "mission statement" (with my bitchy comments)...

The A&R Connection is the most reputable music industry resource (even though you've never heard of us) dedicated to helping artists achieve their goals (for a price, I'm sure). We provide direct access to the top music industry executives in the industry (and they would be...?), allowing artists to get their music heard!

The demand for quality music is phenomenal. We are in constant contact with the top labels (who are...?) across the globe, assisting them in their search for the stars of tomorrow (Oh God, not that old "stars of tomorrow" line).

A&R Connection offers artists the most effective way of marketing there talent (FYI, this is probably just a typo but the correct useage is "their" talent, a possessive pronoun). We specialize in showcasing (ah, the old "showcase" line) local area talent to the top record label executives (who are?) in an up close and personal (oh yeah!) setting. The A&R Connection takes pride in every program that we offer. With our Interactive site, Unsigned Artist can now create a password protected profile (it's called myspace, it's easy to use and free to everyone), and upload there music, (again it's "their") pictures, and bios promoting there (somebody needs to go back to grammar school!) art to the Top major record labels in the Industry (and again, these would be?) as well as there (okay, now this is just ridiculous!) fans. The Record labels will be able to leave them comments (because record label execs have plenty of time to leave expert comments and ratings for new bands) and actually rate there (I'm giving this author a D grade so far!) music in different categories! Also fans will be able to become members of A&R Connections, and search for the hottest Unsigned talent in the world, joining there (okay that's it, it's an F for you!) favorite bands email list, receiving show dates & times as well as album release’s. All of our memberships are free!

Our service provides one of the highest response rates available in the industry (where can I see this rating?). We are dedicated to the success of aspiring singers, rappers, songwriters, musicians and performing artists. Promoting the talent of tomorrow (talent of tomorrow, stars of tomorrow, suckers of tomorrow...), helping there (could somebody help you with grammar?) career, obtaining awareness in the Music Industry.

You will find the A&R Connection to be accurate (except for spelling), resourceful and informative with today’s Music. We are committed to providing artists with the most accurate (con job) and up to date information available. Browse all the following web pages to see how we can help you (waste your time)!!!

GREEN LIGHT FIRM (INDEPENDENT A & R): Here's a good one from the Seattle band, The Bullet Club.  They got this spam email and I'm just going to repost the whole thing so anybody that hasn't gotten one of these phony emails (bands on the Moon) can see how guys like this operate.  The Green Light Firm has a bunch of different affiliates (meaning they made several different myspace sites to look official, like they are connected to other "biggies" in the biz) such as The Fidelity Entertainment Group and Covert Management.  From looking at their tiny website (CHECK OUT THIS INFORMATIONAL VIDEO!) they seem to be mostly interested in critiquing and evaluating you for $150.  Wow, that sounds easy.  I'm going to add my own critique to their email (in black type)...and I won't charge them a dime.

"Hey Bullet Club,

I checked out your site and listened to your songs. I heard some potential in On The Backs Of Bears. Based on that I would like to talk with you more about your music.  (Yeah, they heard potential, but mostly they thought they might flatter you into giving them money for nothing.)

Just to let you know a little about who we are at the Greenlight Firm Independent A&R, we represent Fidelity Entertainment Group / Covert Management and its partners, who are a coalition of music industry companies that do everything from A&R, Tour Management, Artist Management, Recording/Production, Graphic Design and much more. Our Client list includes MTV, VH1, Inhale Exhale, John Reuben, Spoken and a ton of others in both the mainstream and Christian market. (They got all the buzz words but no real information.  Notice how they are connected to...themselves.  The two companies they represent are actually theirs.  If they worked with anybody you'd ever heard of, they'd let you know it.  I seriously doubt MTV is a client of these guys.  They probably watch MTV and count that.)

Just to let you know, this is not a mass email – we know there are a ton of scams on myspace, and this is NOT one of them. We are a very real company that has helped many artists. (This is kind of a new wrinkle.  Congratulations anti pay-to-players!  If they've got to make the claim that they are not sending a scamming spam email, it means we're getting the word out about these companies!  Well done, everybody!)

We are actively looking for new talent within the industry, and we are very selective about the artists we contact. Yes, we will be contacting other bands and artists, but know we are looking for serious guys that we feel have the potential to make it. Through Fidelity EG we are looking for new and up-coming artists for label development. Many of our artists have gone on to success in the music industry. From national tours, record deals, and media coverage, we are the first-step to a music career.  (More buzz words and lots of flattery: They are selective, you are special, you are serious, not like other bands, you have the potential to make it, you are up-and-coming...and again, just who are these "artists that have gone on to success in the music industry"?)

There is a process, and you would have to qualify but we cannot even get to that point without you contacting us back to go over the details. Please email back or call our office.  (The "process" involves you giving them money for nothing.  Don't do it.)

ND PROMOTIONS:  Our friend Matt of the Complainiacs sent me a link to a most unfortunate story by a band from Tucson, AZ called The Distortionists.  Apparently a local company called ND Promotions (former rave club promoters, ND stands for Night Dance (here's ND Promotions myspace page), who decided to run a pay-to-play company when the techno thing fizzled out) is not playing fair in Arizona.  Dangling the "opening for big acts" carrot and hooking it into the pay-to-play practice is popular in the birthplace of pay-to-play, The Sunset Strip.  These two fine blogs by Distortionist's bass player, John Hayes, can give it to you better than I ever could. 

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The Truth About the Agent Orange Show